


Heartburn

by ultimaterobotsdreamofclockwork



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types
Genre: Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, M/M, Physical Abuse, Slow Burn, Volleyball, for some reason, god i just went from 0 to 100 with these tags huh
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-30
Updated: 2020-06-30
Packaged: 2021-03-04 06:41:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 17,139
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24999274
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ultimaterobotsdreamofclockwork/pseuds/ultimaterobotsdreamofclockwork
Summary: Lonely high school student Kazuichi Souda does the most outlandish thing ever to try and impress his crush: he makes friends.note: this fanfic is set in an au where none of the characters are ultimate students
Relationships: Hagakure Yasuhiro/Togami Byakuya, Ishimaru Kiyotaka/Oowada Mondo, Nidai Nekomaru/Soda Kazuichi, probably more coming up later but idk yet, soudanidai, these relationships havent happened yet tho
Comments: 10
Kudos: 54





	1. Sweet Hibiscus Tea

Not to be edgy, but my life had been on a steady decline since about middle school. 

I'm not at all saying the absolute worst pain in the world is losing your only friend, but I'll be damned if that isn't up there with the worst of them. Sometimes I would realise how stupid what happened actually was; it shouldn't have affected me as much as it did. Of course, he was my only friend since childhood and left me to impress some random girl, but girls are pretty awesome, so I never thought to blame him. Still, him admitting to me that he only kept me around to steal answers off of my test papers really hurt. Then all the times he ignored me hurt even more. But what hurt the most was every time he saw me laying on the floor, hurt, and laughed in my face.

But that was all in the past. Dwelling on this at night while staring at the ceiling of my cramped bedroom had become a part of my nightly routine. I had taped pictures of attractive girls (found in magazines my mom would read) all over my walls in some kind of weird attempt to distract myself from these thoughts every night, but they wouldn't really help, just cause more... issues. When my mind wasn't wandering to swimsuit models or the fact I'm pretty damn lonely, I'd just get a pit of dread in my stomach as I'd ask myself question after question. Where will I be in ten years? Will I have friends? Will I be lonely? Will I be dead?

The most important question on my mind, however, was this: will I be able to sleep before school starts? There were no windows in my room, so I couldn't tell, yet I had a feeling that it would be morning soon. Another sleepless night had passed by me like nothing. The lack of school had completely destroyed my sleep schedule, so now that school was about to start again, I had to prepare to try and regulate it. The only fact I was even aware of school arriving the next day was the fact that I had been in contact with only one of my classmates since school had ended: Hajime Hinata.

Hajime was pretty much the only guy that ever thought to talk to me anymore. I wasn't part of his friendship group or anything and we never talked regularly, but we sat next to eachother in a few classes. He would sometimes send me memes out of school and sometimes gossip about things that would happen in school, but our friendship was never anything big. There was a block in the way of that - the fact that the guy who ruined my life in middle school, my ex best friend, went to high school with me still.

I would see him in the halls and his glare would follow me until I left his sight, as if I had done something wrong. Yeah, I know that the change in my appearance from middle school to high school had changed drastically, but when he looked at me it felt like pure hatred. See, when he cut me off as a friend, my thought process wasn't exactly the best about this. I dyed my hair, stopped wearing glasses, started wearing eyeliner, sharpened my teeth, and gave myself several botched piercings in some kind of attempt to make myself seem more scary so people wouldn't mess with me as much. And it worked! But, unsurprisingly, I wouldn't get any friends back after this. People were afraid to approach me, thinking I was some kind of weirdo punk who would stab them if they came near me. It's probably the reason only Hajime would speak to me - he didn't seem like the type of guy to be easily scared.

I saw light spill from under my door and could hear my parents shifting in half-slumber as they prepared breakfast for themselves. I knew it was time to start getting dressed into my school uniform. Taking that time to dress myself, I dwelled on the conversation I had with my dad they day before.

"You don't do shit. Ya wonder why no one likes ya and ya just sit there. You ain't even in a club or anything at school. How do ya expect to get friends when ya don't try, kid?"

As much as I disliked him, he had a point. I wasn't actively doing anything with my life. The issue with joining a club, though, was the fact that I wasn't actually interested in anything. I considered talking to Hajime about it as I buttoned up my shirt in my pitch black room. Placing a hand lightly on the doorknob, I turned it and left my room, making sure to make no eye contact with my parents as I put my shoes on and checked the clock. My intuition was right! It was time to leave for my walk to school.


	2. Alien Boy

I left my house on my journey to school as I usually would, adjusting my blazer as I left. My eyes instantly fixed on a guy standing across the street from me, leaning against a lamppost. Oh god, not again...

My neighbour, Teruteru Hanamura, would always insist on walking to school with me. It had been such a long break that I had completely forgotten about him and his weird suggestive tone. He was a short and round guy, standing way below five feet tall, with curly brown hair and a shit-eating grin that screamed 'pervert'. Yeah, we would always walk to and from school together and we had the illusion of being friends with eachother, but did we ever talk outside of the half an hour walk twice per day? Not at all.

Smirking at me from across the street, TT made his way over to me. I clenched my sharpened teeth and let out a huff, forcing a smile onto my lips.

"Hey there, Sodapop.~" TT purred as he leant against the wall outside of my house. I noticed him subtly eyeing me in my ill-fitting uniform that was noticeably too tight for me. My family didn't have the money to get me a better one, so this one had to make do.

"Uh, heya dude," I greeted him awkwardly. My eyes travelled down to a packet of giant crisps he was holding. "Can I have some of those, man?"

As we spoke and he handed me the entire bag, we began to walk. "No breakfast again?" he asked me, raising an eyebrow.

"Heh, yeah," I said between bites, "I didn't even bother askin' this time. I know there ain't shit in the house."

TT let out a long sigh, "Souda, I always tell you this, you're free to have dinner with me any time! Mama makes the best food, guaranteed."

"I, uh, gotta decline, man. Sorry..."

"No worries." TT paused for a moment, his tone changing dramatically from what sounded like slight worry taunting his usual suggestive tone, to oddly excited. "Ohh, you know that pretty foreign girl?"

Through a mouth full of crisps I replied, "Ya mean miss Sonia?"

"Yeah, the exchange student from that country nobody's heard of. Apparently she's off the market now..."

I practically spat out everything I was eating in shock. Miss Sonia Nevermind? Off the market? She couldn't be! I had been pining for her since she started up at my school the year prior. Of course, I had no chance with her, but somehow I had even less of a chance after this knowledge. I was already planning out in my head how to scare whoever the guy was away from miss Sonia, when Teruteru interrupted my thought process.

"I heard her busty friend talking about it. You know, the one with the giant knockers--"

"Who is it?" I asked suddenly, catching TT off guard a little. "The guy she's apparently with or whatever, I mean. Who is it? Just outta curiosity..."

"What, you aren't curious about her well-endowed friend?" questioned TT, walking a little ahead of me as I tried to process why the hell this asshole was trying to derail the conversation to one about boobs again. I looked down on the guy for it, really. There was no reason to want or need to talk about boobs as much as TT did regularly. Perhaps it was the lack of conversation topics you can have with someone you aren't actually friends with, or maybe he really was just that horny 24/7. Whatever his excuse was, I didn't want to know.

I rolled my eyes. "Yeah dude, I totally wanna chat about some random chick's chest when the girl I've been admiring for the past six months might be with some douchebag asshole dumbfuck prick. JUST TELL ME WHO THE GUY IS BEFORE I DIE FROM THE ANTICIPATION!!!!"

"Okay, wow, you really are fiery when it comes to ladies, aren't you?~" TT chuckled at me with a slight wink, "You know Tanaka?"

"Dude there's literally so many guys with the last name 'Tanaka'..." Thoughts ran through my head about it being some random guy I'd never met and what I'd do if it were. Or maybe even some incredibly average random who I went to school with for years but never even noticed.

"Gundham Tanaka."

"What."

Just like that, the world around me shattered. The rest of the walk to school was completely silent. Gundham Tanaka... What did she even see in him?! I couldn't figure it out at all. Gundham Tanaka was a tall and eccentric classmate of mine. He would accessorise his school uniform with fancy looking jewelry and fancy scarves and would fantasize about being the spawn of a demon and angel. I remembered the times he would present his work to the class and it would be self-indulgent fanfiction about basically being a vampire or something. I swore he even wore makeup to school and one singular eye contact on some days. In short: Gundham Tanaka was a freaking weirdo. How was HE better than ME? It just made no sense!

TT and I had already arrived at school by the time I had stopped mentally shitting on my new romantic rival. I had shambled to class and huffed as I sat down at my desk, rubbing my temples and trying to distract myself from the looming dread of having to see Gundham Tanaka show up to class. I thought back on what my dad had told me about making more friends and joining a club or whatever. It was so much easier said than done... If I hadn't already doomed myself to the rock bottom of the high school pecking order by looking the way I do, then I surely had to be there due to the fact that I actually willingly talk to that pervert Hanamura.

Maybe joining a club would help, I thought. Maybe I could meet a new set of people and form friendships outside of the one and a half friendships I had at that time. Maybe it would impress Miss Sonia if I did that...

It's a shame I had social anxiety and just sort of wouldn't ever do that.

Just as I was dwelling on the things I absolutely would never in a billion trillion years do, I felt a light pat on my shoulder and saw somebody sit down next to me. He looked as put-together as ever, shining with an aura of 'I know what I'm doing'. His brown hair had been neatly cut, yet it was clear he had a good amount of sleep the night before, as a long strand of hair at the back of his scalp was sticking up wildly. That was okay, though - I knew he'd be way too boring without it.

"Hey Souda. Long time no see, huh?" my only friend, Hajime Hinata, said to me with a kind and friendly smile.

I forced a toothy grin back. "Heh, for reals, man. Feelin' good to be back?"

"Not at all." Hajime replied bluntly as ever, "The only thing I'm looking forward to is seeing my friends and meeting back up with the volleyball team after school."

"Ya do volleyball?" Hajime had never striked me as the sporty type, but I guess I saw how he could be; he wasn't overly muscular, but he certainly wasn't skinny. If your gaze were to linger on the way his shirt falls over his chest for too long, you'd be able to tell he works out.

"Oh, haha, I'm not majorly into it, but I'm part of the volleyball team here." he responded humbly. "You don't really do the whole club thing though, do you?"

"Sports teams count as clubs..?" I had never been a member of a club in my life and had no idea what I was talking about.

Hajime furrowed his brows at me. "Uh, you know, you really should join a club. I think it'd be good for you, Souda."

Oh god not this shit again. I had already made the mental decision that I absolutely wasn't going to join a club. I was way too nervous and awkward. It just wasn't my thing at all.

"You could meet some girls or something." Hajime continued.

I let out a somewhat forced laugh. "Nah, dude! I only got eyes for one lady."

"Then join a sports team like me. You wanted more friends, right? It's a really good atmosphere." he told me, his smile faltering a bit into a more serious expression. I could see worry behind his demeanor. A kind of worry I hadn't experienced from anybody for a very, very long time.

Hesitating, I muttered, "I'm too nervous, Hajime. I really can't do it."

Hajime's gaze met mine while I awkwardly tried to avert my eyes. "Would it help if I was there with you? You can sit in for volleyball practice this evening after school, I'm sure Nidai would let you, he's a great guy. You won't have to do anything. Just sit there and watch."

Looking down, I thought it over for a moment. Sitting there would be all kinds of awkward and people might try to talk to me, but I can't help but think that I might be missing some big opportunity to impress miss Sonia here.

"Fine. Meet up with me here after school, kay? I'll head over to the gym with you." I replied finally, smiling from the corner of my mouth.

Hajime's eyes lit up again as he smiled, reaching over to pat me on the shoulder once more. I had a feeling that this wasn't going to go well.


	3. Teenagers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter is way longer than the other two and also ends sort of awkwardly but i dont care. it was getting too long. also i havent proofread coz im a clown in the form of a man who writes gay volleyball fanfiction that surprisingly isnt anything to do with haikyuu

Doing just what I had told Hajime that I would do, I waited in our classroom at the end of our last class of the day. I let out a light sigh as I checked the clock, waiting for him. The most awkward thing is having to wait in a for somebody after school. Whenever I caught the eye of somebody passing by the classroom that I was standing in, I would have to check my phone just so they knew that I was waiting for somebody. Really, though, all I did when looking at my phone was feebly scroll through my camera roll, as I had no data left to be able to use the internet outside of my own home. My parents never had the money for a mobile plan that would provide free data, but that was alright in my eyes, as I hardly left the house anyway unless to go to a store and casually steal food from the shelves. It's not that my family was dirt poor or anything, they just never had enough money to feed me specifically. Over the years I had become particularly sneaky with the ways I would achieve a balanced diet: stealing from smaller businesses, getting TT to bring me food every morning, pestering Hajime for some of his lunch, etc. I was honestly one bad day away from rummaging through the trash for my food.

Interrupting me doing literally nothing, somebody walked into the room that I was waiting in. Thinking it was Hajime, I quickly slipped my phone away and looked up at them. That definitely wasn't Hajime, though.

Standing in front of me was none other than Sonia Nevermind, the most beautiful girl I had ever laid my eyes on. Sonia was an exchange student that had joined the school half way through the previous year. She had moved from Novoselic, a country that I still somewhat doubted existed, but I would believe anything she told me if it meant getting closer to her. Her long blonde hair looked as if she hadn't cut it a day in her life, yet it still seemed neat and tidy, falling half way down her thigh (around where her stockings were clinging to her leg.) I had noticed this when I first met her, but she seemed to wear heavy mascara around her bright blue eyes on most days; however, today I could tell that she had likely forgotten that school had started again, because the mascara was lighter then usual. Or perhaps she had changed her style? I wouldn't have been opposed to that idea at all, but it would've saddened me to never see that classic look again. On her face her skin was slightly pinker than the rest of her pale body, as if she was always embarrassed or blushing with joy. You could always tell when she was truly happy, as her full lips would curl into a more thin shape when she smiled or laughed. I hoped that one day she would smile like that at me. 

She stopped slightly as she entered the room, her big blue eyes looking across at me as if she had intruded on my privacy by entering the classroom. "Oh, excuse me, are you here for the culture club as well?"

I absolutely was not. "Uh, yeah, why?" Why the fuck did I say that.

Miss Sonia awkwardly shuffled, still keeping her distance from me. "That's odd since this isn't the room the culture club is held in and the fact that the culture club is on Wednesdays."

Oh god damnit. "Okay ya got me I'm just waiting for someone but didn't wanna look like a sadsack considering the guy never showed." I admitted, fiddling with my nails and rolling on my heels with anxiety.

"That is fine, I am only joking with you!" she giggled. God, she was beautiful. "Do you want me to keep you company while you wait?"

Abso-fucking-lutley. "Yeah, sure!" I responded with a smile as I rubbed the back of my neck.

Just as she was approaching me, a voice came from outside the classroom. "HEY WHAT'S TAKIN' SO LONG?! I DON'T WANNA WALK BACK WITH IBUKI AGAIN, LAST TIME SHE FORGOT WHERE WE WERE GOING AND CHASED A CAT INTO A FOREST."

Sonia giggled again, her lips thinning as she did so. Her face got slightly pinker as she looked outside of the classroom. "Oh, good grief... I should probably be going then."

So close. I was so close.

"Ah, shit... It's okay, I'll be fine on my own heheh." I awkwardly laughed. Miss Sonia cast a glance my way and raised an arm to wave at me as she left the classroom. Luckily, Hajime seemed to be on his way to the classroom, passing Sonia in the doorway as he arrived. It annoyed me how close he was to her, brushing past her awkwardly and giving her a smile. That was besides the point, though. When I imagined meeting up with Hajime, I had pictured him wearing the classic gym uniform: a plain white shirt and blue shorts. However, when he arrived I took note of his different uniform: a black and dark blue sports uniform with a large white number seven printed on the front and back. The uniform seemed new and fit him well.

"Sorry I'm late. I had to get changed into the new volleyball kit that Nidai arranged for us. Do I look good?" Hajime gave a twirl with his arms outstretched as he walked towards me. His shirt lifted a little as he did so. I admired the guy for being able to pull off the look of a sports kit so well.

"Dashing as fuck, my guy." I gave him an okay sign with my hand, which was met with a laugh. Picking up my bag, I made my way towards him as we headed for the door. "Dude, do I gotta wear my gym kit too?"

We exited the classroom and started our trek towards the gym. The school had multiple gyms used for different things, so Hajime was directing me to the specific gym that was used to host the volleyball team. "Haha, no, not unless you decide to actually join. You're just sitting in, remember? It'll be fine."

"So do you guys, like, actually go to volleyball tournaments and stuff?" I asked, trying to make conversation.

"Oh, yeah." Hajime responded, "Unfortunately, we aren't the best, but I like to think that we'll get there one day."

"What are the other members of the team like?"

"They're all great - we act like a family." Hajime explained, "Of course, sometimes we have arguments, but we all come back from those arguments just to be closer than ever. There are eleven of us in total, but we're always looking for new members. See, when you play a team sport, you always have to know your team members. Some people can be surprisingly predictable if you know them well enough."

I had always admired Hajime for the way he was able to get along with other people so well. He was sarcastic and cynical at times, but you could tell that every word he said had meaning behind them. He was the kind of person to reach out to you no matter who you were, which is incidentally why we were friends in the first place. Most people would look at someone like me and be off-put by the pink hair and sharp teeth. Not Hajime, though. Never Haijime.

"Damn, I'd be so shit playing team sports then. Can't even emotionally connect with myself and know what the fuck is going on in my own head, let alone someone else!" I joked.

Hajime responded with a shrug, "Honestly? Yeah. You're awful at that kind of stuff."

"Hey hey hey only I can insult my me, dude!!! That's not fair!!!" I whined, lightly punching his arm as he chuckled at me.

As I looked up, realising we were in front of the gym, I stopped in my tracks. Hajime walked ahead of me, putting his palm against the door of the gym, and looked back at me lagging behind. The smile disappeared off of his face as he pensivley closed his eyes. "Souda, do you want to go home?"

He didn't say anything else. I thought about his question for a moment: did I want to go home? I knew well enough that my dad might be a little angry if I didn't arrive home on time, but I also knew that I'd be late no matter what time I went home at this point. It was a coin flip chance for if he would actually care if I made it home on time. However, my anxiety was also getting the better of me. I didn't know if I was ready to step forward into the room of strangers in front of me. I had no idea who I was meeting and what they would think of me. Would they be scared of me? Would they laugh at me? All of these anxieties and questions built up in my head and bubbled beneath the surface of my heart which was beating faster and faster the more I worried. But looking at Hajime with his hand on the door, I already knew what I had to say.

"No way, man, let's do this shit."

Hajime pressed his hands against the door, the door jolting as he pushed it open. The blaring white lights inside of the gym were a little bit of a shock to the eyes, but I adjusted to them quickly as I followed Hajime inside. There were a few guys doing varying degrees of activity in the gym: some seemed to be doing stretches, some were jogging in place, some were hitting a ball over a net to eachother, and some were standing there talking and doing nothing. I swallowed nervously, feeling way out of my depth. The door slammed shut behind me, making me jump in fright.

Somebody started to approach Hajime and me as soon as we entered the gym. He was a terrifying guy who looked way older than he probably actually was, which instantly unnerved me considering he was no more than a foot taller than me and had the muscle mass of a Greek god. The guy was dressed the same as the other team members, but his shirt had the number two proudly printed on it. He stood with dignity: his black hair slicked back and spiky, and his beard just as neatly treated. Any high school guy who could grow facial hair scared the shit out of me. Not to mention, the two scars running down each of his cheeks. He was everything that I had been afraid of people in this club being - his intimidating glare transfixed on me as I stood still in my place, mentally preparing myself to run for the door.

Nothing could've prepared me for his instant change in demeanor, him slapping a hand on Hajime's back as he gave him a warm and friendly grin. "HINATA! God, how long has it been? The whole of our break? SHIIIIIIIT! You've gotten taller - that kit I sorted out treating you well? I tried to factor in growth spurts people might have when I ordered 'em. Fuyuhiko's might be a bit big for him, but there ain't nothin' like positive thinking when it comes to growing!" The guy gave a hearty laugh as he spoke to Hajime, him smiling equally as happily back to him.

Before Hajime could respond, the man looked over at me. I could feel him studying me with his eyes, only further unnerving me to the core. He narrowed his eyes before speaking, "If you're here to play or some shit, you gotta take your piercings out. Don't want any accidents happening."

Hajime was quick to speak up, knowing I wouldn't. "Oh, no, Souda is just here to watch for today." I watched as Hajime ushered the guy to the side, leaning up to whisper something to him. I was a little bit offended as I watched the tall guy make several nods and 'mhm's before turning back to me with Hajime.

"Okay, go take a seat on one of the benches-- SHIT! I didn't even introduce myself! I'm Nekomaru Nidai!" he greeted. He held out his hand and I shook it, but his large hand basically crushed mine as he vigorously shook it, and subsequently my entire arm.

Hajime turned to us as he finally let go of me. "Nidai is our team captain. He's the glue holding us all together. We'd surely be about a hundred times less functional without him here..."

I could definitely see that guy being a team captain. He seemed to have a great amount of enthusiasm and passion for what he did, judging by the fact he arranged uniforms everybody in the team. He was also totally jacked, so having him as a team captain definitely would scare other teams away from trash talking.

"Know much about volleyball, uhh... Souda, was it?" Nekomaru asked me with a smirk.

I shuffled awkwardly in place, looking up at him. "Do I look like I do sports, dude?" I responded, sighing a little.

Nekomaru let out another booming laugh. "Not at all! But it's never too late to start! Maybe you could use the evening here as some kind of a lesson."

"Not interested, man, sorry," I told him, "Hate to burst ya bubble, but I'm kinda only here to vibe for a bit and watch. I'm really not the type for sports."

Seeming a little disheartened, Nekomaru responded, "At least put on a gym kit in case you do decide to join. Or in case being in a sweatyass gym hall will make you feel like you're lying in a bed of hot air!!!"

In all honesty, he had a good point. I had only been standing there for a minute or two and I was beginning to feel clammy. I got Hajime to direct me to the changing room and dragged my bag over there, which I had conveniently brought my gym kit in this morning, not knowing my schedule yet. I set myself down in the changing room corner, unpacking my bag and catching a glimpse of myself in the mirror as I removed my blazer and shirt. My body wasn't totally skinny - I had a strange and disproportionate amount of fat and muscle in certain places which made me look more lumpy than anything. My skin was blotchy and scarred in some places, which didn't at all add to what little appeal I had. I wasn't built for sports in the slightest. What was I doing here...?

Quickly slipping on my plain white gym shirt, I heard the door swing open behind me as somebody walked in. A familiar face, with familiar spiky ginger hair and a familiar ginger beard on a familiar chin. Seeing him made my heart stop for a second.

Suddenly, I was twelve again. I was twelve, and my only friend stood in front of me, looking down on me with a bunch of his new friends. 

"Are you actually that dumb? I used you, dude! I used you for your stupid test results! We aren't friends, we were never friends! Just leave me the fuck alone, you're starting to just be plain creepy."

And then I was back to reality. Back in the moment, staring with wide eyes at the guy who had ruined my life in middle school and bullied me relentlessly through high school: Leon Kuwata. Leon was the sort of guy to think that he was amazing because he was dating a girl he barely talked to just for the hell of it. It was clear to everybody apart from him that his girlfriend didn't actually like him; it was if they were dating just to be able to say "Hey look at me! I'm dating someone attractive and popular!" He would step on others to get what he wanted in life. He had been my best friend through all of middle school, until one day he just turned on me for seemingly no reason. Every day since that one, Leon would poke fun at me at any chance he would get. His hatred of me was unwarranted and relentless. He hadn't seen much of me since high school started, as I just did my best to avoid him, but I knew he was there eyeing me when I wasn't looking. And now he was here, standing in front of me as I did my best to just continue to get dressed and ignore the elephant in the room.

I ignored him as I put my gym shorts on, doing my best to be blind to the fact that he was getting dressed meer feet from me. The tension in the air was immense, only being cut after I bundled all of my clothes up into my bag and booked it for the door. I headed back into the gym hall and sat down at a bench, coming to terms with the fact that I was definitely without a shadow of a doubt never going to join the volleyball team after knowing that Leon was a member of it. I looked over to the door, considering leaving right then. It didn't matter if I was in my sports kit - all of the memories of how mean Leon had been to me in the past had flooded back to me like a tidal wave.

"Hey man, can you do me a favour spike some balls over to me?"

Looking over to where the voice had come from, I noticed a pressure on the bench next to me where someone had placed their foot. Following the leg up, I saw a man with purple hair and somewhat cold looking skin. He was smiling down at me with a purposeful glance. He also looked extremely muscular, but nowhere near as much as Nekomaru. I noticed how his shirt, reading a proud white number six, got much tighter over his chest, clinging on for dear life.

"Uh, nice to meet you too. Also I'm not in this club or whatever I'm just watching..." I muttered.

"That's boring and you're boring. Now spike me some god damn balls!" the guy joked, giving me a hand to help pull me up from my sitting position. "Might wanna take out those piercings, though, don't want them catching on your shirt."

"Nah, I'll be fine." I waved a hand at him, "Uh, what's a spike?"

The guy pinched the bridge of his nose. "Bruh oh my god."

"I did say I was just here to watch, man, I dunno what ya were expecting." I responded bluntly. "Who the hell even are you?"

He audibly cleared his throat as he pressed his thumb to his chest, his grin becoming wider. "I'm Kaito Momota - Hope's Peak's Ace!!!"

"Hope's Peak's what now." Frankly, this guy was just confusing me further.

"It basically means I'm the best." Kaito responded proudly.

My mouth was slightly agape - not because this guy was the best or whatever, but because I couldn't comprehend the fact that somebody had just introduced themself to me as being 'the best'. "For serious?"

"Oh yeah, big time. I'm the best player on this team. And that's the FACTS." Kaito replied with a subtle smug undertone, "Now, I'll teach you how to spike a ball- uhh.. what's your name?"

"Kazuichi Souda." I said as he dragged me over to a bag full of volleyballs. 

He picked up a ball and held it with one hand, holding his other hand out to me flat with his palm facing upwards. Kaito then raised his hand up, making a 'nyoom' sound with his mouth as he slowly collided the ball to his palm. "And that's a spike. Only faster and cooler."

After I neglected to respond for a second, Kaito rolled his eyes. "Look, toss that ball to me and I'll show you a spike in action." He then made his way over to the court and stood there, waiting for me to throw the ball to him. I haphazardly chucked the volleyball over to him as he did a run and a slight jump over to it, the ball colliding with his hand with a smack, then loudly pummeling to the ground on the other side of the court. The loud sound echoed around the entire gym. Not going to lie, I was more than a little bit impressed with this; I wasn't expecting so much power from that single hit. My mouth held itself slightly agape. Again. Well, he was certainly correct about it being faster and cooler.

Kaito looked over to me expectantly, smirking with pride filling the corners of his mouth. "So? Like my spike? Usually I'd get Leon to spike to me, but he arrived late."

Merely mentioning his name took me back to reality. "Dude, I really should go... I don't fit in here. I don't even know how to play."

"HEY NEKOMARU!" What was this asshole doing?! 

He instantly got the attention of Nekomaru, who came striding over from across the gym where he was still talking to Hajime. "Heya Kaito! Making friends with Souda over here?" he asked in a friendly tone, not knowing that I was trying to find an excuse to book it.

"Can you teach him the basics for me? I would, but everybody knows I'm nowhere near as good as you at this kinda stuff." Kaito proposed the question casually as if I had asked to be taught the basics.

I stared at Nekomaru, frozen in place. He seemed to be studying me with his eyes again, following my form up and down as his gaze narrowed. It felt somewhat like an invasion of privacy somehow, despite being nothing but a stare. "Yeah, I can teach him. Go get Leon to warm up, okay?"

"Ugh, he always takes ages though... Fine." Kaito responded, leaving me alone with Nidai as we stood for a moment in awkward silence.


	4. Atomic Karate

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok so i dont have time to proofread but here. it's only a short chapter but i hope the exposition is worth it lol

The silence was finally broken by Nekomaru putting his hand on my shoulder, which was met by me jumping back slightly. I had noticed that he seemed to find it fine to jump into the personal space of others, which wasn't particularly welcomed by somebody as jumpy as me, but I didn't have much room to complain about this. "What's the most important position in a volleyball team, Souda?"

"Uhh.. I-I don't know? A hitter? That's a thing, right?" I sputtered, rubbing my arm and standing with all the grace of a pile of bricks.

"WRONG!" he shouted - not angrily, but more with a strange kind of enthusiasm you only see from those sporty-type guys, "Every part of a volleyball team has an equal part to play on the court. We all use eachother as springboards to score against the other team. There are three games - the first two are first to 25 points, the last is first to 15. A game has to be won by a two point lead, though, so games can go on for way longer sometimes. You know how to score, right?"

"Uh, yeah, the ball's gotta hit the other side of the court without going outta bounds, right?"

"Yeah!!! See, you do know a little about volleyball, that's great!!!" I still didn't see how it was great, because it was only a tiny bit of knowledge I had picked up from knowing a little about team sports in general and pure assumption. "There are six players on our your of the court at a time - two rows of three. Do you know any volleyball positions?"

I shook my head in response, to which I recieved the reply of, "That's fine! I'll give you an overview.

"I noticed you talking to Kaito. Kaito is our team's ace! The ace is basically the player that is the 'best' on the team, but I'm gonna be honest when I say that saying he's the best is just to feed his ego a little. I think everyone on our team is awesome. An ace isn't a position - a team's ace can play any position, it's just a term used in competitive volleyball. Kaito's actual position is as an outside hitter. Outside hitters are the lead attackers when it comes to offense, so they do most of the spiking and have to have a good jumping ability! We have two other outside hitters on this team, and there is usually two outside hitters on the court at a time." As Nekomaru explained, he pointed out two guys: one was Leon, who had finally finished getting changed into his number three kit and was stretching with Kaito, but another was a guy I had never met before. He was short with a buzzcut and patterns shaved into the side of his head. He had freckles scattering his face and his shirt had a number five on it. He didn't look like what I pictured a typical volleyball player to be, as he was far shorter than me.

Nekomaru took his hand from my shoulder and pressed a thumb to his chest as he spoke. "I'm a middle blocker. Middle blockers are usually the tallest player on the team. We're pretty much the first line of defense for the system and we have to be able to read what the other team are gonna do pretty damn well. Our main job is to block shots near to the front of the net, but we also do our fair share of hitting at times. We have another middle blocker on our team, too, who fills in for me a lotta the time." Nekomaru pointed his other hand at a guy standing at the back of the gym, talking to somebody. He had curly light brown hair which was fashioned into some kind of a greaser pompadour. His shirt read a proud number eight on it, which seemed to be clinging to his thick arms for dear life.

Nidai then gestured to the guy that he was talking to: a stocky individual with a neat black buzzcut and thick eyebrows, with the shirt number four. "That's one of our opposite hitters. An opposite hitter has the have a good balance of offense and defence. They gotta be able to receive the serve from the opposite team, which takes a shitload of courage sometimes, haha. Your friend Hajime is also an opposite hitter!

"Speaking of receiving hits," he continued, "Liberos. They play on the back row and receive the most hits from the other team, so are essential in defence. Liberos are... kinda confusing ones. They wear a different coloured jersey so they'll be easier to notice, and they're usually shorter than the rest of the team. You can always tell a libero apart cuz they're the ones throwing themselves all over the court for no good reason." I was able to spot this player for myself - a short individual with very light brown hair, reaching just above his shoulders, with a white uniform printed with a blue number ten. I thought for a moment I had seen him around school before, but must've been mistaken.

"A player that a lot of people mistake for a libero is a defensive specialist. Defensive specialists are able to substitute out any player on the court, and can even play on the court while a libero is playing! I find that they actually work well with a libero, as they're best at ball control and passing." Nekomaru then proceeded to point out a boy sitting on the benches that I hadn't noticed before, despite his white hair and pale skin standing out quite a lot. His shirt had the number eleven on it, and he seemed to not be talking to anybody.

"The final position to go through is the setter. Setters are a key part of a volleyball team; they essentially have to set up the ball for perfect hits across the net. They need perfect communication with other team members, as well as a delicate touch to the ball. They're the whole reason a hitter is able to hit well! We got two setters on this team!" Nidai pointed towards a guy with matcha green hair and a relaxed demeanour who was tossing a ball up and down with the shirt number nine. Nekomaru's finger lingered in the air a bit, before he turned away from me and shouted over to Leon. "HEY, WHERE THE HELL IS HIRO?!"

Leon's head shot up like a meerkat as his attention was drawn away from his stretches. His gaze settled on me for a moment before he turned and aimed a response at Nekomaru, "Dude, why would I know? He might not even be at school today, I dunno the last time I saw him in any of my classes."

Grumbling and pinching the bridge of his nose, Nekomaru looked back at me. "Guy's the best damn setter I've ever seen and he's the fucker who never shows up to practise. Just my luck, huh?" he chuckled half-heartedly. He turned back to me again, returning his hand to my shoulder. "I wanna see you spike a ball."

I laughed for a moment, before abruptly stopping. "Oh wait you're serious?"

"Fuck yeah I'm serious!" He patted my back and made his way over to the volleyballs, throwing one over to me. I caught it seamlessly and threw it up and down in my hands a few times. "Two main body positions you have to know to play volleyball are these."

Nekomaru squatted slightly and put out his arms and clasped his hands together, one around the other. "See? As if you're taking a shit while on your phone. You hit the ball with you arms, not your hands." he explained while pulsing his arms slightly. He then changed his stance so he was standing upright. He jumped up, swinging his arm in the same way I saw Kaito doing earlier. "That's a spike. If I toss the ball up to you, you think you'll be able to try and spike it?"

Letting go of my worries for the first time since I arrived, a shook off the concern like water off a duck's back. A stepped back a little, and as Nekomaru tossed the ball into the air I ran forward. I swung my arms like I had saw Kaito doing as I jumped, giving myself momentum as my legs left the ground - for a moment it felt like I was flying as I raised my arm. As my hand collided with the ball, my eyes closed with anticipation, I hit it with a surprising strength I hasn't found in myself previously. Stinging my hand, the ball propelled forward through the air, as my feet came into contact with the floor again. Opening my eyes, I found that the ball had gone beyond the net and hit what I thought was the ground with shocking power. Judging by the looks of concern coming from the rest of the team, I had overshot my mark...

On the other side of the net I spied the team member with the shirt number eight, holding the side of his face with one hand, which was bright red. His eyes were fixed on me as he started to make his way to my side of the court. He was taller than I first thought, though not as tall as Nekomaru, and had a fair amount of muscle on him as well. It was only then that I has realised that I had likely just hit a loose canon in the face. Just as the player was about to approach me with pure rage in his eyes, somebody stood between us. It was Nekomaru.

"Mondo, back off. It was an accident."

Number eight, now known as Mondo to me, piped up. His voice was a low snarl much like that of a dog. "I don't give a single shit what it was. Now fuckin' move your ass before I beat the shit outta you too."

All training around the room had ceased, leaving the gym with an eerie echoey silence as Nekomaru spoke again. "Remember your first time here? You spiked the ball over to Taka and hit him in the stomach, winding him. It's not that big of a deal, Mondo."

Number four, the guy that Mondo was talking to and presumably Taka, ran over to him with a worried look. "Bro!!! I'll get you an ice pack, don't worry-- oh my goodness it's bleeding."

Mondo seemed to get briefly distracted, turning to Taka. "It's fuckin' bleeding...? What the fuck?"

Taka pulled at Mondo's shirt, dragging him over to the changing rooms. He glared at me the entire way over. I looked down at the palm of my hand which was a bright red. Flipping my hand, I could see my veins bulging all over it. People around the room slowly started to continue their practice as Nekomaru reached over to me, touching my hand gently as he turned it back over. He brushed his fingers over my palm and I winced back, my hand reflexively curling up as tears pricked my vision. He took his fingers off of my palm, still holding the back of my hand with his. "Souda." he said, alerting me to the fact he was looking me in the eyes, "That was awesome."

At that moment, I felt something that I hadn't felt previously for a long time. I felt proud and supported. The people who had reached out to me here, Kaito and Nekomaru, hadn't judged me for my appearance. All that they wanted to do was just play volleyball with me, no matter who I was. I stared down at my red hand still, slowly trailing my eyes up to meet Nekomaru's.

"One thing I do need to say though," Nekomaru continued, closing my hand with his, "Even for a first time player, your aim was shiiiiiit!!! And that footwork... That footwork needs real work. Other than that?" He studied me again with his eyes, his vision lingering on me a little too long. That was when it mentally clicked that those times his gaze had settled on me before was likely to judge my fitness - what positions he would feel I would be good playing in and all that sort of stuff. "You have a pretty impressive jump on you! If ya ever decide to join, we need a new member, and I think with the right training you could definitely fill that position."

I caught myself about to protest; about to say that I don't play sports, or that I didn't enjoy what had happened this evening. 

But I didn't.

"That actually sounds really cool. I'd really like that. Thanks, man."


	5. The Quittin' Kind

For the rest of that evening, I worked with Nekomaru. He taught me about the correct footwork and how to propel myself even higher and we worked a little bit on aim. He also taught me how to block a ball coming from over the net. I honestly had a really good time. My previous anxieties felt silly and as if I was overthinking the whole thing, but one thing still lingered in the back of my mind, wouldn't if be awkward if I joined the volleyball team officially and had to play with Leon? I was still fairly sure that Leon hated me for no good reason, so wasn't sure if it was a good idea to be joining a club he was in. After all, he was the main source of a lot of my bullying.

Genuinely, I didn't think that Leon was a bad person - he just felt the need to impress others around him by doing all that he could. When he first stopped being my friend in middle school, he did it to impress Sayaka Maizono, another girl who went to our middle school and then proceeded to enter the same high school at the both of us. She was the high school sweetheart type girl that a lot of guys tended to crush on. Leon, being the sporty and popular guy that he was, of course had his eyes set on her; they both ended up being the most well-known couple in the school. Not because they were the cutest or sweetest or most dirty or anything, but for the amount of times that they had broken up and then immediately gotten back together again. Nobody was convinced of their romance being legitimate, not even them. Perhaps they were making some kind of a statement by being together? I never understood that kind of stuff.

Whatever they were, I wanted a relationship that was better than theirs. I had my eyes set on miss Sonia Nevermind ever since she joined the school. Her Japanese was impressive, if not a little too formal at times, as well as her knowledge of Japanese culture. I hadn't really talked to her before, but I could instantly tell that she was my type. Internally I was hoping she would see me playing volleyball and think that I was way cooler than in reality. She would say something like, "Oh Kazuichi! You are so handsome and sexy! Hold my hand!"

Every day after school I would fantasised about these kinds of things, which was exactly what I had started doing after leaving volleyball practice. I walked home, still in my gym kit, imagining me and Miss Sonia holding hands on a beach with the sunset hitting the water behind us like you would see in teen romance movies from the early 2000s. 

Though while dwelling on this, my mind would always wander back to the volleyball club. Nekomaru and Kaito were so nice, plus Hajime was there, and I had basically already agreed to joining and was genuinely looking forward to it. Yeah, Leon was also there, but I could just ignore him, right? Then I remembered: what about that one guy who I hit on the face? Mondo, was it? He seemed to be the kind of person to not take shit from anybody: a 'no nonsense', stoic, bully type of guy. Frankly, I was a little scared of him, and wouldn't be surprised if he proceeded to kick my ass for what I did to him earlier that day.

I shook the thought from my head. Was I overthinking again? Perhaps I did that more than I realised... I had arrived home anyway. About to put my key into the door, I looked over at Teruteru's house, considering having dinner there for a moment. I suppose that the thought played on my mind a little too long. Anybody walking by would've seen my hesitation to open my front door clear as day, yet I did so anyway.

Trying to slip away into my bedroom, unnoticed, I was interrupted by a voice behind me. "You're back late."

"Uh, yeah dad, I joined a club. Y'know, like ya said I should..." I replied, my voice shaking a bit. My dad was an intimidating guy - he stood a lot taller than me and had messy black hair. It was obvious that he worked hard as you could see the sleeplessness clouding his vision at all times.

"You were supposed to be back on time to help me in the bike shop, remember?" he asked me. I still didn't turn around.

"Oh, sorry, d--"

He interrupted me. "Me and your mom were worried. Ya always do this. You go runnin' off to god knows where on ya own and never tell us. I need your help in the bike shop, y'know?"

"Well maybe you should hire someone, I can't always be here,

I turned around.

"Ya don't even fuckin' pay me--"

The pain I had felt in my hand earlier. That red hot searing pain that had taken so much out of me. I was proud of it. It made me feel strong and powerful, like I could do anything. But I would never wish to hurt anyone, you know? When I saw Mondo walk over to me, holding his face, I felt terrible. I wanted to apologise over and over until he forgave me, until my voice was hoarse and my words sounded choked, but nothing would leave my mouth when I tried to talk. So I never could see how punching somebody felt good, you see. I never understood how anybody could get enjoyment from it. When you slap something, like hitting a volleyball, you feel the weight and force of your hit in the palm of your hand. It would hurt you just as much as it would hurt the other person if you slapped someone, wouldn't it? That pain is invigorating. It's fair. Punching somebody isn't fair. Punching somebody is closed-fist: it's pure unbridled anger sent forwards just to show somebody else you're better than them. It's a torpedo of force sent to make you win, to make the other person crash to the floor in pain. It breaks jaws, shatters teeth, and causes black eyes. The only way you could get enjoyment from punching someone is if you truly hated them, I thought. Punching is hatred.

That night, I spent an hour in the bathroom splashing water on my face and sobbing into the mirror. My face ached on one side. The tears in my eyes and the pain in my face made my vision blurry as I stared at myself for longer and longer. My pink hair was matted and greasy and my home-made piercings had left patches of my skin purple and shiny. I looked at the eyeliner dripping down the side of my face that felt still numb with pain as I tried to plan out an excuse for if I came to school with a bruise tomorrow.

I practiced it: "Oh, nah Hajime, it's all good. I tripped over on my way back and, like, forgot to put my hands out. Landed flat on my face, heheh."

I repeated it again: "It's fine, Hajime, I just tripped over on my way home and forgot to put my hands out. Landed flat on my face! Y'know what I'm like. "

And again: "I'm okay. I tripped over on my way home and forgot to put my hands out. Landed flat on my face!!! I'm such a fuckin' dumbass at times!!!"

It was useless. Every time I said it to myself I sounded less and less convincing. I needed somebody to talk to. Anybody. I couldn't do this on my own.

"Kazuichi. Less enthusiasm. You sound like a robot."

Miss Sonia. Sometimes she was the only person that I could count on to help me when these things happened. I would imagine her next to me, supporting me and helping me through times like these. I had nobody else to talk to, so why not picture the perfect person to help me, right? It helped, anyway. She stood behind me in the mirror, slightly off to the side. Her porcelain hand brushed mine, her red nails standing out against my hand.

"That was an order!" she joked, moving her hand away from mine as we locked eyes in the mirror for a second. 

I wiped my tears away and took a deep breath, my eyes still locked onto hers. "Uh, this? Nah, Hajime, I'm okay. Just tripped over on my way back and landed flat on my face. Forgot to put my hands out, y'know? I'm an idiot, heheheh."

Miss Sonia rolled her eyes at me, pacing around behind me. "No, no, you're doing it wrong still. You're over explaining things, it does not sound convincing at all! And please do be less self-deprecating..."

"Oh god, this? I, like, tripped over on my way back and uh... fell on my face. I'm okay though!" I relayed to her, awaiting approval.

"A little better!" she praised, "You sound slightly unsure though. Try to make that sound more embarrassed instead."

"Totally didn't fall on my face on the way back home. Heheh, I'm fine though, Hajime. Ya ain't gotta worry."

"Perfect!! That was perfect, Kazuichi, say it exactly like that if he asks you!" Miss Sonia clasped her hands together and jumped up slightly, her skirt lifting a little as she did. My face flushed slightly, but I turned back to the mirror, beginning to take out my piercings. "Why are you doing that, Kazuichi?"

"Oh, uh... they're kinda gross? They're never gonna heal if I keep 'em in. Plus, I'll need to take them out for volleyball." I explained to her.

She hopped leant on the side of the sink, looking at me judgingly. "You say that as if you know that you are going to join the volleyball club. And you aren't, are you? You know, with the fact Leon is there and... god forbid, that poor man you hit in the face! How embarrassing..."

"I dunno, Miss Sonia, I just really wanna impress you. I've already kinda made two friends and I'm hoping to make more. You'll like me if I have more friends, right?" I asked her, looking away from the mirror and at her instead.

"You're so silly!" Miss Sonia giggled to my confusion, leaning away from the sink and over to me, putting her hands against my cheeks. I could almost feel the warmth of her palms and the heat of her breath and she pulled my face closer to hers. "I'm the only friend you need!"

I quickly bent down to the sink and splashed more water on my face, looking up at my reflection in an attempt to remove myself from that delusion. The bathroom was empty apart from me, the only noise coming from the television as my parents sat in the living room. Collecting my piercings in my hand, I made my way to my bedroom without dinner.


	6. Eat That Up, It's Good For You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> obligatory filler chapter

I had already made the decision that I was eating dinner at Teruteru's house that night, even before telling him as we walked to school together. He begged me pretty much every day, and I had an excuse this time. I also made sure to notify that I wouldn't be walking back from school with him, but would meet him at his house later on in the evening, which he was alright with. Honestly, I think he was just thankful that I was coming over in the first place. He seemed extremely adamant on me having dinner with his family for some really strange reason. I didn't want to go home anyway. Figuring I wanted to go to volleyball practice again, my best bet was to not have dinner at home and to avoid my dad at all costs.

I had gone about my day as usual, ignoring the strange looks I got from people when their eyes lingered on my black eye as I passed them through the halls. I was particularly used to people staring at me, so had no issue with this. I had also made sure to be one of the first ones at the gym that day at the end of school, waiting outside with my gym bag until the class who was in there left to go home and people started to show up for volleyball practice. Naturally, the first person to arrive was Nekomaru. Even though I had only met him once, it felt sort of strange to see him in a school uniform - it was clear that they didn't have one that fit him, the sleeves of his blazer riding up his arms more than they should.

"Holy shit, you're here early." he exclaimed as I moved out of the way to let him push open the door of the gym hall.

"Heheh, I didn't know when to arrive. So I just kinda... slipped outta class early and came here." I chuckled, turning towards him.

All of a sudden, his eyes went wide. "The hell happened to your face? Did Mondo do that for what you did to him yesterday?!"

I took a deep breath and somewhat rehearsedly blurted: "Totally didn't fall on my face on the way back home. Heheh, I'm fine though, Hajime. Ya ain't gotta worry."

"Hajime?"

Ah. Fuck.

"Ah- shit- I mean, uh, Nekomaru. Fuck- Shit no it wasn't Mondo I really did just fall over!! I haven't even seen that guy since yesterday and..." My stomach started to feel a little unsettled. "I'm kinda dreading seeing him in case he decides to make this black eye symmetrical, heheh."

Nekomaru didn't at all seem convinced. "Hm. Alright. Well, I'm gonna set up the nets. Go get changed." he responded, pushing open the gym doors and walking inside. He held the door open for me as I also walked in. "Thanks for remembering to take our your piercings, too."

Smiling to myself, I made my way over to the changing rooms, surprised to see somebody else in there as I opened the door. Two somebody elses, actually. They had to have gotten there even earlier than me, and I had arrived pretty early; or perhaps they had used the second entrance to the gym? Either way, I had seen them the other evening: Taka (team member number four), the one who seemed overly concerned with Mondo's injury yesterday, along with the short guy who seemed quite familiar, the libero of the team. For some odd reason, as soon as I had opened the door of the changing rooms, Taka dived in front of the shorter boy with his arms outstretched at either side. He was wearing his volleyball kit, which means he must've arrived there much earlier than I did. "SHIELD YOUR EYES!!!"

I awkwardly shuffled to the side, setting my gym bag down, while doing the complete opposite of shielding my eyes by staring directly at him. "Dude. This is a changing room. Ya ain't gotta cover ya friend up, I'm a chill guy." I confusedly said.

Taka was about to argue with me when the shorter boy interrupted. "Um, Taka, I'm not going to be able to be more open about everything if you don't move out of the way... Thank you, though."

Taka mumbled an apology, moving to the side and continuing to fold his school uniform neatly. As he moved, I instantly knew where I recognised the shorter boy from. He was standing there, clad in a girl's school uniform, with a skirt and everything. Light makeup decorated his face - not enough to be noticeable, but enough to make a significant change. I knew him by the name Chihiro Fujisaki - a girl who attended a few of my classes. Chihiro was an individual that I had spoken to on a few occasions, as we were the top of the classes we attended together.

"Uh, are ya trans? Like a trans guy and that's why ya playing with the guys? Cuz if ya are that's totally cool, I won't tell anyone-" I started, being interrupted by him.

"Thank you. Really." he responded, Taka handing him a pack of makeup wipes as he started to get changed. "Uh, I'm not sure if I got your name..? I'm Chihiro Fujisaki."

"Kazuichi Souda." I replied, starting to get changed myself.

"And I'm Kiyotaka Ishimaru!!!" Taka added, still folding his clothes. "I would shake your hand, but I am a little bit busy!"

"Heheh, that's fine dude." Pausing for a moment as I changed my shirt, I looked over to Chihiro, "So I'm guessing you ain't out to ya family then."

"No, I actually am, haha." responded Chihiro, wiping the makeup off of his face, "I just don't want to come out at school. Not to everyone, anyway. I don't think I'm ready... I'm waiting until I get out of here. And I know it sounds dumb, but I don't really think I'd be a manly guy, and I think a lot of people would misgender me anyway..."

"Chihiro, do not talk yourself down!!! You are one of the strongest and manliest men I have ever met!!!" said Taka, who finally finished folding his clothes. "Oh, Kazuichi! I noticed you have a black eye! Please be honest with me, did my bro hit you in the face?!"

Damn, this guy was straight up and forward, wasn't he? "Nah, I tripped, it's all good."

"Great news!" he responded with a slight pause, "Wait, no, not great news that you tripped over. I meant it is great that Mondo did not punch you in the face! He's doing so well suppressing his anger lately..."

I was getting near to finishing getting into my gym kit. "Does he... not usually do well suppressing it?"

"Let's say we are lucky he did not run under the net and punch somebody in the face in all of those matches we have played against others schools..." he said with a light sigh, "Him and Fuyuhiko tend to be quite the trash-talking duo!"

"Fuyuhiko?"

Taka spun around on his heels to face me, putting his hands on his hips as he spoke. He had a wide smile on his face, looking far too happy for a casual conversation like this one. "Yes, Fuyuhiko! You may have seen him, he is the short one-"

"Oh, I'm the fuckin' short one, am I?" came a voice shortly after the sound of a door opening. Standing at the entrance of the room was the, admittedly short, freckled guy that Nekomaru had said was an outside hitter yesterday.

"Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to offend you." Taka replied just as Chihiro finished getting changed and removing his makeup. He headed towards the door and put a foot in it just as it was about to close. Chihiro headed over as well, swinging the door open to leave and go into the gym.

Fuyuhiko grumbled, "Just lay off about my height, it makes you seem like a douchebag."

Taka nodded as he left. "Duely noted!! I will keep that in mind!!!" He was followed closely by Chihiro and me, giving an awkward nod to Fuyuhiko as I left. 

Nekomaru brushed past me as I left, heading into the changing rooms with Fuyuhiko. He had set up the gym with the correct equipment and Taka was quick to run to the volleyball basket, picking up a ball and tossing it into the air and back into his hands. "Do you want to stretch with me and Chihiro, Kazuichi?"

Before I could respond, unfamiliar faces burst through the doors of the gym. One had darker skin and brown dreads pulled back into a messy low ponytail, wore glasses over his small brown eyes, and had stubble. He looked a little older than myself and other others, but not in the same way that Nekomaru did where you could tell that Nekomaru was my age. His blazer sleeves were rolled up, revealing thick hair over his arms. His whole uniform was a mess, actually: his trousers ill-fitting, his belt undone, his shirt unbuttoned slightly, his tie loose, and a gym back loosely draped over his shoulder. The man next to him looked the polar opposite of him: pristine clothes (though not the school uniform, but casual gymwear), no gym bag, and was clearly the same height as him, though his posture made him seem a lot taller. He had neat swept blonde hair and blue eyes, also covered with glasses.

"Guess who still hasn't graduateeeeeed!" the older looking guy said melodically. I noticed his arm was around the other guy's shoulder, much to his dismay. "This duuuude!"

Chihiro practically shot over to them both, looking pleased to see them. "Wow, I really thought you might've this time seeing as you didn't show up yesterday..."

"And leave you all behind? I'd never, man." he responded, patting Chihiro on the head and walking forward, his arm still around his companion.

"He was in a meeting with my father." the blonde grumbled, pushing his glasses up his nose. "I had to practically beg him to let Hagakure continue as a student here. Again."

"And you're still our manager?" Chihiro asked, turning to the blonde man.

The man simply nodded in response, and uttered, "Unfortunately."

The man with the stubble, presumably Hagakure, suddenly looked my way and let go of his friend walking over to me and holding out his hand. As I gripped his hand he pulled me into a half-hug, patting my back. The unmistakable smell of weed filled my nose as he did this. "I dunno who you are, dude, but I dig your creepy looking teeth." As he pulled his body away from me, he looked at me with a kind smile. "I'm Yasuhiro Hagakure! Call me Hiro!"

All of a sudden, I found myself thinking back to something Nekomaru had said yesterday. The name Hiro definitely rang a few bells: Nekomaru had mentioning someone of that name being the best setter he had ever seen. Could this have been him? It didn't seem likely...

Hiro pointed a thumb back at his blonde friend. "That's my buddy Togamins!"

'Togamins' cleared his throat and walked over, shooting a glare at Yasuhiro. "Byakuya Togami, actually." The name Togami... So this was the principal's son, huh? He certainly looked like him with the blonde hair and pale complexion. Even his movements screamed 'authority'.

"Uh, nice to meet ya both! I'm Kazuichi Souda." I greeted them both, trying not to get too intimidated by Togami standing next to me.

"Gotta go get my gear on, I'll be quick!" Hiro blurted, strolling over to the changing rooms.

Togami shot him a glare as he left and turned away from me. I heart him mumble as he left, "No you won't."

Turning around, I came face-to-face with Taka, who seemed to be eyeing Hiro awkwardly. "Yasuhiro is twenty-one... He has been held back, what, three times now? Four?! Every single time he is going to be kicked out, Byakuya fights for him to stay! It's all very strange..." Taka said to nobody in particular, looking somewhat lost in thought, "They used to play volleyball together back when Byakuya attended this school, so maybe that is why." Honestly, looking at Togami, I could definitely see him playing volleyball - he had very long legs and was fairly tall.

"The only reason that Togami still manages the team is because he has to," Taka continued, now directly speaking to me. "His father told him that if he wanted the volleyball team to continue to get funding then they would need a coach and manager, and he offered to fill the position as he has experience. He doesn't really do anything, though. Nekomaru does all of the work, haha."

Taka shook his head, passing the ball he had picked up earlier to me. "Do you want to stretch now?"


	7. Wii Tennis

Doing stretches with Kiyotaka and Chihiro turned out to he surprisingly fun, actually. Taka was very full-on with his motivation and encouragement. I had the sense that he was the kind of student to be the top of every single class, but not seamlessly - he definitely put the work into it, unlike me. I knew that Chihiro was top of a few of his classes, but it seemed to me like this was effortless on his part, much like me. Some people are naturally gifted in certain subjects, I guess.

Before I knew it, the whole team was gathered in the gym together. I tried to make a mental note of people's whose names I knew: Byakuya Togami, Yasuhiro Hagakure, Nekomaru Nidai, Hajime Hinata, Leon Kuwata, Chihiro Fujisaki, Kiyotaka Ishimaru, Kaito Momota, Mondo, Fuyuhiko... There was two people I still hadn't spoken to: the green-haired setter and the defensive specialist. As Byakuya called everybody over into a group to take everybody's name down on some form of registration, I was quick to figure out their names.

"Okay, so, mm, let's so who we have here. Hopefully everybody." Byakuya started, beginning to call out people's names, "So, first of all we have Hiro, who is obviously here for once considering the needless scene he made when he came in. Then we have Nekomaru who is always here, Leon who... actually was on time for once, Kiyotaka who again is always here, Fuyuhiko, Kaito, Hajime... Mondo? I guess he's still getting into his kit. Rantaro?" As Byakuya said the name, I looked over at the guy with the green hair who raised a hand in response. "Right, great. Chihiro is here... Hm, is Kiibo here? Kiibo Idabashi?" That must've been the guy with the white hair; he raised his hand high into the air to show Byakuya that he was there. "Oh, and our new member, Kazuichi. Everybody is here then. Now that there is twelve of us, ordering us into groups for today's training will be fairly easy. I'll be doing this based off of what Nekomaru told me you all have to work on because, let's be fair, his judgement is better than mine." As Byakuya continued his speech, me zoning out through it, he started to list pairs of people who would be working with eachother through the afternoon.

I was knocked out of my daydreaming by Byakuya clicking his fingers in my face, and Hiro looking over at me, just as out of it as I was. "Kazuichi, you'll be partnering up with Hiro, as you're new to this and he is the most experienced member here," Byakuya looked as if he was about to continue, then shot a glance at Hiro, "Actually do something today, okay?" he huffed, turning his heel and walking over to the bench at the other side of the gym.

Hiro turned to me - as I was alone with him, the awkward air was very apparent. To the rest of this team Hiro was a beloved and well-known member who had been a part of this volleyball team for years, even longer than all of the current members; he had played with a previous set of players before all of these that I had met, and if he doesn't graduate soon, I assume he would play with a new set of players in the years to come. But to me? Yasuhiro Hagakure was somebody who I had just met - he was tall, scary, and smelled really bad. As I shifted in my spot, I thought back to what had been told to me about Hiro... The best setter he had ever seen? Really? Someone who shows up to volleyball practice visibly high is the best setter somebody like Nekomaru had ever seen?

Hiro broke the silence with a, "Dude I'm gonna set you up a hit, okay?" To which I responded with a silent nod and walked with him over to the net. As I wandered over, I watched Leon hitting balls over the net to Chihiro, who was diving all over the place to reach them.

Before I knew it, Hiro tossed a ball over to me. It seemed to float in the air a bit before it crashed to the ground in front of me and bounced back up as I caught it. Hiro ran his fingers through his dreads and smirked, "Okay, so, I'm gonna stand on the other side of the net, and I want you to like... try as hard as you can to break the rally."

"The... rally?" I asked, but before I could receive a response, Hiro ducked under the net, straightening his posture and widening his stance.

"Yeah, dude, a rally. Like.. when you hit it back and forth without trying to get eachother out. But I want you to try and get me out! Capiche?" he explained with a grin. I sort of understood and gave him a quick nod.

Stepping backwards, my hands around the ball, I tried to think back to what I had been told about how to serve. I took a few quick steps forward and jumped up, throwing the ball up and hitting it with an open palm just as I had done the day before. You know, that time I hit Mondo in the face... In fact, it was only after I hit the ball when I realised that I had hit it with the strength I had hit with yesterday, and I half expected to unsquint my eyes and see Hiro laying on the ground with a concussion due to my wonky and overly powerful spike.

To my surprise, unscrunching my face and unsquinting my gaze, Hiro seemed to have moved much further backwards than before the hit. The ball was rocketing through the air and down to him, but I watched him lift his arms up to it as if it wasn't heading straight for him, with a calm determined composure in his face that I hadn't seen before. His brown eyes were transfixed on the ball; I observed the ball land within his grip and get pushed back out of his hands the next second as he jumped up. It seemed impossible to me - the same spike that had drawn blood from Mondo's face the day before was handled perfectly by Hiro as if it were nothing. The ball soared through the air and back towards me, but not as quickly as I had hit it before (it was steady and gave me time to react).

Before I knew it, I had lifted my hand back up again and jumped towards the net, spiking the ball over again. I spiked it over and over, and Hiro always set it back in the same weird floaty way that seemed to just glide toward me. I realised now what he meant by breaking the rally - no matter how hard I hit it or in what direction, the ball always seemed to end up gliding back to me. With every hit I watched the unwavering concentration in Yasuhiro's face. Not gonna lie, it was sort of unnerving to see somebody like him (who had given me the complete opposite vibes earlier) be so determined in something like this. I had gotten the feeling that he didn't really care that much, but oh boy was I wrong. It was at this moment that I truly realised how the world seemed to melt away when I gave volleyball the same amount of focus that Hiro was giving it. The only thing that could've ever been able to snap me out of this was...

"I'm the only friend you need!"

I thought back to my conversation the night before. Well, if you could even call it that. Sometimes it was hard for me to differentiate between fiction and reality - I know I had a tendency to blur the lines for the sake of my own mental health. But conversations like that... they feel so real, y'know? Her hands on my face and her warm breath. They just felt so real.

"You know, with the fact Leon is there and..."

Oh my god. Leon was there. I stopped still, noticing his gaze from right next to me. Had he always been practicing there? Chihiro was on the other side of the court and playing with Leon, but his gaze was definitely on me. I watched his blue irises follow my footwork and my arms as I was moving, as if he were studying me. No, not studying me - studying me is what Nekomaru did... Leon was judging me.

The unmistakable sound of a volleyball hitting the gym floor next to me caught my attention and I swung my head back around to Hiro. He raised his arms up and ran towards the net, ducking under it and strolling to me. "Sorry, dude! That was on me, I totally misjudged where you were gonna be. Why'd you stop moving around all crazy-like...?"

Taken aback, I wondered aloud, "Crazy-like?"

Another voice piped up: "You were kinda moving all freaky."

He said something to me. For the first time in years, he actually said something to me. It wasn't pointless laughter or a whisper into a friend's ear - actual words came out of his mouth, directed to me, after cutting me off like it was nothing so many years ago.

■■■■■

I was twelve.

The sun shone through the trees overhead and danced around on the pavement as dust devils scattered the leaves around outside. My hair was choppy, short, and black, growing at that just uncomfortable level of only slightly over my ears. My uniform was as unkempt as usual and I fingered beneath my desk, attempting to regain composure.

School was easy for me: it always had been, always will be. I was always told I just had a knack for things like that - they just clicked, just made sense. Sometimes it would take a while for the click to happen, but when it did I would understand it better than anything else. And that's why my grades were always the highest and I was always caught reading and writing, no matter what. Those things just interested me.

I guess opposites attract. My best friend was called Leon Kuwata. He was just slightly taller than me and easily more popular than I would ever be. Even for a middle schooler he had that cool and suave 'I'm better than you' attitude that everybody just seemed to look up to for no particular reason. We would do everything together, honestly. Walk to and from school, do homework, shoplift, y'know the things normal kids do for fun. But Leon, being a sort of opposite to me, also didn't get the best grades.

He practically begged me to let him cheat off of my test. Who was I to say no? He was my best friend. We did everything with eachother. We were just that close.

So that day I was fidgeting under my desk was because the teacher had caught us. It was the only time I had ever let anybody cheat off of my work. We had been sat down in a room after class and had been told off, shouted at, and it was demanded that we would retake the test the next day.

"But Kazuichi told me to do it!! He gave me the answers!! I didn't even ask!! This isn't fair!!"

I guess the teachers liked Leon more than me, because they believed him.

And then he just stopped talking to me. Avoided me, even. Went out of his way to not associate with me, even by associating himself with people who actively hated me. People who teased me, called me weird, thought I was a freak.

I didn't even care about being told off for sharing my answers.

■■■■■

"You were kinda moving all freaky."

Not even thinking before I responded, I mumbled a meek, "Oh. Right. Sorry." And left the conversation like that.


	8. Take A Slice

Grabbing my gym bag with my neatly folded clothes in it, I said my goodbyes to the few people on the volleyball team that I enjoyed talking to and I left the school, heading for my usual route home. The awkward exchange with Leon earlier wouldn't leave my mind - he actually decided to talk to me, and that still had yet to sink in. I had always blamed Leon's avoidance and general dickishness on a girl that he wanted to impress back in middle school - Sayaka Maizono. But taking a step back and thinking about it, maybe he never liked me. Maybe it was all pretend. 

Heading towards the exit of the school, I saw somebody I knew all too well - Teruteru Hanamura, leaning on a stone wall, a lollipop stick hanging limply from his lips. He saw me approach him and turned around, waving a hand as he ran towards me. Oddly enough, he seemed more panicked or concerned than happy to see me. Didn't I specifically tell him to wait at his house for me? I did, I thought, that morning. However, Teruteru wasn't wearing his school uniform (instead dressed in an ill-fitting graphic t-shirt and sweatpants) so he couldn't have been waiting there for me after school. Did he go home and then walk back to wait for me? Why? 

Those questions were answered as TT approached me, blurting out a series of words I didn't understand, followed by a few deep breaths and finally, "Your dad came out of his house all angry looking for you. He said not to bother going back home tonight. Something about a bike shop?" 

"The stupid bike shop..." I ran my fingers through my hair and let out an exasperated sigh, "My dad wants me to help out with him but won't pay me or anything. We had an argument about it. Don't worry 'bout it." 

Teruteru's eyes lingered on my bruised face for a little too long. He wasn't stupid. "Right. Well, you could always stay at mine, riiiiight? I mean, you were already coming o--" 

"Yeah sure." 

A little taken aback from my instant response, TT gasped, "Huh! Well that was easy. I do have siblings, though, so you'll be sharing a room with me." 

"And your mom is okay with this?" I asked him, starting to actually begin my journey home with him by my side. 

"Of course she is!! Momma wouldn't ever let someone get left out in the cold." All it took was Teru saying this for my situation to actually dawn on me. My dad really didn't want me going home, huh. I couldn't say I was surprised; however, I was still saddened and slightly worried. Deep down I knew it would probably be a day or so until I was allowed back home and it would probably just be because my mom argued with him until I could come back, but I still didn't want to be away from home. I had some really personal stuff back in my room that I really wanted with me... At least I had Teruteru, right? ...Right? 

"So, what were you doing back at school so late?" he pressed, still sucking on the lollipop in his mouth. 

For a second I considered lying and then asked myself what there was to lie about. I wasn't ashamed or anything... "Volleyball." 

"V. Volleyball?" he asked, giving me a strange side-eye glance, "Kazuichi Souda, in all my however many years of being your neighbour, I don't think I have EVER seen you exercise, let alone play a sport. Who are you trying to impress?" 

"Who do you THINK?!" I laughed. Moments earlier I was feeling dread above anything, but TT always seemed to make me laugh. Maybe he was a closer friend than I seemed to give him credit for after all. 

"Me?" he said as a joke, before quickly interrupting himself. "Sonia Nevermind, right? Again, I wouldn't get your hopes up..." 

"Yeah yeah blah blah blah Gundham Tanaka WHATEVER. I didn't even see him at school!" It was true - I hadn't seen him at all. And trust me, he would stick out like a sore thumb. Or like a goth in a crowd. Because he was one. 

"Ohhhhh yeah! You reminded me! Tanaka moved schools." I was about to reply, but Teru interrupted me. I could already tell that he was about to talk a LOT as he removed the lollipop from his mouth. "It was before the school year started. I believe he attends Fazal Commerce High School now, so you don't need to worry about him getting in the way of your sexual endeavors--" 

"HEY HEY HEY I never said I wanted to FUCK Miss Sonia!!!" I shouted and gave him a light shove to the shoulder. 

Teruteru chuckled, "No no, I can't blame you! She's beautiful! Really, your taste?" He paused to give a casual chef's kiss. "Mwah! Exquisite." 

I sighed, "I said I don't, dude. I can't imagine having sex with her anyway..." 

"Hm? How so?" 

Good question actually! What I wanted to say was the following: Every time I even thought about it I felt like something was off. It's not like she wasn't attractive - she was, she was drop dead gorgeous. But every time I tried to picture her sexually it just felt wrong and I really had no idea why. It was the same with the pictures of the girls around my room - yes, they were hot, but would I have sex with them? I mean probably but... COULD I have sex with them? 

What I actually said went something like: "I'm me and she's her and yeah." 

"You have a fair point, I won't deny she's out of your league. Perhaps you should find something more..." The lollipop returned to his mouth, resting on his lips for a second. "Down to earth and... hands-on." 

Oh god what had I gotten myself into. I was going to spend the night (and possibly further nights if my dad didn't stop being an asshole) with this dude. This guy who just probably definitely flirted at me. What was with the lollipop? Was the lollipop a euphemism? Oh god it was definitely a euphemism. I'm not gay! Not that I had anything against guys who like other guys - I just didn't, myself. 

"Oh hey, we're here!" Teru exclaimed, running up to his front door and taking the keys from his pocket. I shot a glance at my house across the street, the feeling of dread returning to the bottom of my stomach. Upon opening the front door, I noticed how clean Teruteru's house was compared to mine. Yeah, my dad was a mechanic so you obviously wouldn't find the house the cleanest, but for some reason I didn't expect Teruteru's to be so spotless. The front door opened into a cozy looking living room; furniture was arranged neatly and the shelves around the room were decorated with crockery and different trinkets. Behind the living room was an archway through which I could see a kitchen and smell something, frankly, delicious being cooked in there. In the living room was also a set of stairs up to a second floor, which my house didn't actually have, and up those stairs I heard people talking and laughing loudly. The whole house seemed to be bustling with noise - music coming from the kitchen and talking from upstairs. 

"Momma, I'm home!!!" Teru yelled as he practically pushed me inside and closed the door behind us with a loud slam. A woman who looked way too much like Teru came from the kitchen, wiping sweat from her brow, and looked over to me with a welcoming and kind expression. As she approached me, I instinctively froze up. 

"You must be Kazuichi! My Teruteru has said so much about you!" She had a thick accent that I couldn't quite place, very different from Teru's... 

"He.. has?" I asked, giving Teruteru a raised eyebrow. 

"He has!" she chimed, clasping her hands together, "I heard what happened with your dad. Stay here for as long as you want, okay?" 

"Uh, thanks Mrs Hanamura..." I responded awkwardly, slinking the gym bag off of my shoulder and holding it in one hand. "What room will I stay in..?" 

"Mine." Teru said without hesitation and pointed towards a door to the left of the living room. "Right there!" 

"Go put your stuff away, boys, dinner will ne done soon!" Teruteru's mom interjected, making her way back to the kitchen as Teru lead me towards his bedroom. 

His bedroom was... what was expected, really. It was quite bland aside from the masses of extremely graphic posters that covered the entire room wall-to-wall. When I say graphic I mean this shit was worse than the random pictures of blonde models I had stuck all over my room. Then again, my room couldn't really be considered a room, it was more like a refurbished closet, so really there wasn't that many pictures in there. But that was besides the point: Teruteru had a LOT of boobs in his bedroom. An uncomfortable amount, but an amount you'd expect from Teruteru Hanamura. Not just boobs, in fact, but scantily clad men in leather and all greased up... I dumped my bag down and glanced around the room, making note of the singular futon in the middle. 

"Uh.. am I gonna get a sleeping bag on the floor-" I started, before being interrupted. 

"You can sleep on my futon." 

"No no it's your room! I'm a guest! You ain't gotta sleep on the floor for me-" 

I was interrupted again, "I never said anything about me sleeping on the floor." 

Awkward silence continued for a bit too long, interrupted by a shout from Teruteru's mom from the kitchen telling us that dinner was ready. 

■■■■■ 

The dinner was good. Really good. Some of the best food I ever had, actually. I got to meet Teruteru's younger siblings and talk to his mom a bit more, who was overall really nice. It was sort of strange how much she seemed to care for me when she had only just met me; she made me feel safe in a way I hadn't felt before, but I couldn't really place how or why. 

I returned to Teruteru's room with him, having eaten probably way too much than I should've. I sat down cross-legged against the wall and watched Teru walk to his futon and sit down next to it. He turned to me with a, "You didn't really eat much." 

"I..." I paused for a second, gathering my thoughts and giving him a reassuring smile, "I don't really eat much. Today was really fun though. Again, thanks for letting me stay over. I really appreciate it, dude." 

"Stay for as long as you want, Kazuichi, momma really doesn't mind." he responded, adjusting himself so he was sitting on the futon. "Hey, you don't mind if I get dressed, right?" 

I covered my eyes, "I ain't lookin'. I know you won't care but I ain't lookin'." 

"Mm, do you want any pyjamas, Kazuichi?" 

"No offense dude but you're like 3 foot tall - they ain't gonna fit me." 

"So you're just going to sleep in that?" 

"Yep." 

"...In your uniform?" 

"Yep." 

"You could just sleep in your boxers." 

"I don't really want to." 

"You're gonna smell tomorrow." 

"I have deodorant in my bag." 

"Are you sure you don't want to?" 

"I'm sure, dude." 

"Where do you want to sleep?" 

"On the floor." 

"...But my futon-" 

"It'll be weird with you on it too, TT." 

"But don't you need your back to be alright for, uh, what was it..- volleyball?" 

"...Fine, we can share the futon." 

"I'm dressed!" 

I uncovered my eyes to see Teru standing there in his pyjamas. I walked over the the futon and sat down on it, Teru sitting down next to me a few seconds later. 

"Are you already tired?" he asked me, smiling at me. I looked down at my hands, closing my eyes for a moment. Teruteru and I had gone from not being that close to me sleeping next to him in the space of a few days. It was strange, but we had known eachother for so many years and never crossed the line of just walking with eachother to school. This was like seeing a completely different side of him. 

"Yeah, man... I'm pretty tired. I know it's early, but all this stress and joining a club for the first time and everything is really getting on top of me." I responded and layed down. 

He layed next to me. It was already getting dark outside, the sun just peering over the horizon. Did I use that word correctly? Whatever the furthest part of the world away from me that I could see was called. The lights in Teru's room weren't on, so I could see the orange hues of the sunset peeling down the wall into the darkened room. I yawned, closing my eyes and rolling onto my side, facing away from Teruteru. 

■■■■■ 

I knew I was asleep. I've always found it really easy to tell when I was dreaming. If I was awake, it wouldn't have made sense as to how I was suddenly in my middle school classroom again, sitting at my desk with my knees pressed right up against the bottom of the table which was made for someone clearly much smaller than me. The room was dimly lit - I couldn't really see any of the details of it that well. Writing around the room all blurred into the same symbols and the wooden floor was flat instead of patterned with the usual spirals and cracks that wood has. 

Sitting at the desk next to me, was her. Sonia. Her blonde hair always seemed longer and longer the more I saw her in my head, this time spilling all the way off of the back of the chair and onto the floor beneath her. She had her elbow on the desk with her fist pressed up to her cheek as she leant on it, staring at me intently. 

"You're always chasing something you will never be able to get, Kazuichi." she spoke slowly, making every word apparent with her pronunciation. 

I placed my hands on the desk, running my hands over the smooth surface without being able to feel it. "I know." 

"Come here." she told me, and of course I complied. I stood up from my seat, walking towards her and kneeling down by her chair. I felt her stretch her other hand out, her face unmoved. Her hand caressed my cheek and pulled me closer to her face, inviting my eyes to close as she leant in. 

But of course this was a dream. And the next thing I knew I was in my bedroom, with her sitting next to me. The room could barely fit the two of us in there; she was pressed closely to me, her head leaning on my shoulder. I sat with my knees pressed up to my chest, staring ahead at the door in front of me. 

Sonia spoke again: "He's going to find them." 

"Find what?" I asked her, knowing already exactly what she meant. I've had this nightmare a million times before - there are always some differences but one thing is always the same. I kept my eyes averted from the pictures stuck all over my room; the ones that were supposed to be the blonde ladies, which covered my room wall-to-wall. I turned towards Sonia. I needed to focus on anything apart from the room around me. 

"Kazuichi, you are not there. You have practically been kicked out! He is going to find them. You need to go home and throw them out." Sonia demanded. I caught a glimpse of one of the pictures out of the corner of my eye. Not a woman this time. A man. They're always men in this nightmare. 

"He's not gonna find them, Miss Sonia." I explained, as she pulled my face closer to hers again. 

She planted a kiss on my nose. 

But it felt so wrong. 

■■■■■ 

Opening my eyes, it took me more than a few moments to recognise the room around me. I was at Teruteru's house. I was sleeping next to Teruteru. Everything was fine. I was laying on my side, facing away from Teruteru, but... Well, I mean, I could feel an arm around me. I could feel him hugging me from behind. I could hear him sleep breathing; you know, that heavy metranomic breath that sounds like sighs. I closed my eyes again, sort if melting into his grip and moving backwards into him slightly. I've never liked TT like that - I'm straight. But something about somebody holding onto me from behind was appealing in an unexplainable way. Snuggling into his touch, I started to drift off again.


End file.
